New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
