woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
