I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
