I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
