I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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