Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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