hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
