My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
