I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
