I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
