It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So much Jack, so little girl.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
