a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
