You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
