We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
