Just mADE A PArabola og urine
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
