Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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