I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
