I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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