what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
