I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
