Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
