just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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