look no pants
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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