It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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