you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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