I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
