I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
