Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
