Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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