She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize