I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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