he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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