She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
