just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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