After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
