Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
