Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
