can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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