I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
