i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
