Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
