Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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