How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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