Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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