I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
