Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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