I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
