Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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