are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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