On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
