My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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