We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
