you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
