every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
