It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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