Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i've created a new STD.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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