she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
