That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
