Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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