you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You can't just leave with hair like that
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
