Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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