how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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