I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
