So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
