I need to stop coming to work sober
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
