Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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