I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
