It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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