vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
