my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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