In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
