I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I could fuck to npr.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
