ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
