does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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