As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we're making bets on your personal life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
