so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Randomize
