The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
