I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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