its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Pooping to opera.
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