I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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