i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
